• September 27, 2023

‘I cut his hair because he won’t pay for a haircut’: My multimillionaire husband is 90. I’ve looked after him for 41 years, but he won’t help my son

My husband and I are both in our second marriage and we have been married for 41 years. He has three sons from his previous marriage and I have a son and a daughter. He inherited the property on which we built our house 40 years ago. He has set up a nonprofit residual foundation and currently has $ 6 million.

He is in the process of selling the additional 50 acres for about $ 2 million that he plans to entrust to the trust. He made it possible for our children and me to receive a percentage after his death. He is 90 years old and in excellent health. I am 76 years old and have some health problems. I think he’ll outlive me.

The problem is I need some money now. My son (his stepson) was in a car accident and needs help. He’s had seven surgeries in the past two years and will have a hip replacement this week. If that heals, he must have a shoulder replacement.

“His sons will not let him live with them. They would take him to a nursing home. ‘

His wife had brain surgery a few years ago to stop her epileptic seizures, but she has lost her short-term memory. She also had seizures again, and her doctor told her she could never work as a nurse again. They clearly need financial help.

My husband has helped them over the past year, but he is annoyed about it and does not help them any further. I called a divorce attorney about possibly taking him to court to dissolve our marriage and he said I was entitled to half of my husband’s property. However, I am not even in our home yet.

I wouldn’t be able to live with it even if I had just requested separate maintenance. It’s hard enough to live with, but it’s going to break my heart. I’ve looked after him for 41 years. He gives me just enough to pay our bills. I cut his hair because he won’t pay for a haircut.

His sons do not let him live with them. They would put him in a nursing home, but he’s too healthy to end up in a nursing home and has all of his mental faculties. I don’t know what to do and I want your advice. I bet you’ve never heard of someone who has too much money.

Wife & mother

You can email The Moneyist with all financial and ethical issues related to coronavirus at [email protected]

Dear Lady,

The problem with your son seems to be the proverbial last straw. My suspicion is that there have been many such straws over the years, both large and small, fighting for the last straw, but being replaced by another straw and another.

It’s not just about the money. He is under no obligation to pay for your son, but you clearly see this as an act of disrespect to you and your own family as they have dealt with the aftermath of a car accident.

Why cut his hair when you feel such a grudge against him? Why did you stay married Because you love each other and / or there is a power imbalance in your relationship and significant financial inequality. You must be the same. Otherwise there is a price for every act of kindness.

There is a compromise: endure the current discomfort and feeling of powerlessness, or face your husband with all the inconveniences that come with it.

So what now? Your social contract may already have been broken even if your prenuptial contract hasn’t. The stress you are feeling may be the work you have put into acting as the foundation of your marriage is solid when it is not. List your needs and what you will need in this marriage to make it work.

To do justice to your husband, he has already helped your son. He could feel needed and attracted. Explain to him that you are a partner in this marriage, that you have the right to make your own decisions about money, and that you need more autonomy over your joint finances.

There is a compromise: endure the current discomfort and feeling of powerlessness, or face your husband with all the inconveniences that come with it. If you decide to take legal action and seek legal separation, it should come as no surprise and you should both know the reasons behind it.

Boyd Law, a California law firm, has a few warning and helpful words For people in your situation: “After a party has legally separated, they are no longer a ‘community’. From that point on, each party’s accumulated assets and liabilities are their own and not shared properties. “

There are benefits in separating your financial life without a divorce, whether or not you are still living under the same roof.

“To protect your assets during a legal separation and / or divorce, make clear the date of separation between you and your ex-spouse,” the law firm adds. “It can be difficult to get the date of separation visible while still living together. You will need evidence of your breakup that you can present to the court. “

Boyd Law says the clearer you get this date, the better. “To achieve this, live as separately as possible under one roof. Live in different rooms, don’t prepare each other’s meals or do each other’s laundry, stop wearing wedding rings, and use separate bank accounts. “

There are benefits in separating your financial life without a divorce, whether or not you are still living under the same roof. You share the expenses and, for example, continue to benefit from joint health insurance. Ultimately, it’s a decision that only you can make. It’s your life, your choice.

They view cutting his hair not as an act of love but as an act of service. This suggests that the issues here go deeper than segregated or marital assets, and who controls them and who doesn’t. But I agree with you: one person in a marriage shouldn’t hold all the cards.

The money is: “My husband told me that my $ 1,400 stimulus check will be spent on aluminum siding in our home.” What can I do?

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