WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report) – A dark cloud over the special committee investigating the January 6 insurrection threw the Republicans in Congress unequivocally against the panel’s “complete lack of rioters”.
The indictment was led by Kevin McCarthy, the minority leader in the House of Representatives, who described the commission as “little more than a pimped-up anti-riot propaganda festival”.
“Nancy Pelosi’s hand-picked Democratic panelists all have one thing in common: none of them participated in the riot,” said McCarthy. “Without an equal number of rioters on the panel, we’ll never hear both sides of this matter.”
McCarthy said he had made a list of potential rioters to join the commission, including “QAnon shaman” Jake Angeli.
“I’ve spoken to the shaman and he’s ready,” McCarthy said. “He’s just got his skins dry-cleaned.”
The House of Representatives minority leader warned Pelosi not to proceed with the commission if it did not have rebel representation. “It could have a deterrent effect on any future unrest,” he said.